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21st of July 2018

Men



Developing My Confidence (Part I) - The Good Men Project

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Confidence is defined as a feeling of self-assurance arising from one’s appreciation of one’s own abilities or qualities.

If I want to feel more confident, it makes perfect sense to work on becoming the person I want to be.

I recently read an article, Tips That Will Help You Develop Self-Confidence, that gave four recommendations for developing self-confidence.

Master a skillSet goals and achieve them.Take up a hobby and confront your fears.Identify the source of your insecurities and cultivate your spirituality.

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The skill I want to master is web design. My goals are to master front-end web design (HTML, CSS, and JavaScript) and PHP, the hobby I want to take up is blogging, and the fear I want to overcome is the belief that I’m not smart enough to master web design.

Identify the source of your insecurities and cultivate your spirituality

The source of my insecurity is that I’ve always struggled with my masculinity.

I have always felt this external pressure to fit into the American definition of masculinity — handsome, muscled, and driven.

Because there are gender stereotypes associated with a man showing vulnerability and expressing emotions (any man who does so is viewed as weak), I never have talked to anyone about my lack of confidence.

Enter the world of blogging —  a space where anyone can talk about their insecurities and perhaps provide a voice for others struggling with the same issues.

From dealing with body image issues (I feel I’m too small and short) to feeling like to loser (I don’t want to be viewed this way), I have come to recognize that the source of my insecurities is that I feel like I’ve never learned how to be a man.

My parents divorced when I was eight, and from that point, my dad wasn’t really a part of my life. I feel like I never had any male role model to look up to. As a result, I feel like I never learned “how to be a REAL man.”

Through working on my self-confidence, I hope to overcome this issue. I need to learn to see that I have value. The best way to see the value in me is to work on myself.

Changing My Thinking

Working on my confidence is key to becoming the successful man I want to become. My low confidence is affecting my life.

Having low confidence has caused me to live in this constant state of self-judgment. This is hurting me internally and externally. I took an honest look in the mirror and realized that it isn’t fun for my friends being around someone who is in this constant state of judgment. Instead of telling everyone my flaws and always playing the victim, I should enjoy the time I spend with them.

This pattern of always looking at myself with judgment has lead me to create a life I do not want. Thinking there is always something wrong with me, always looking back on what I could have done better, and believing I’m not good enough is hurting my life.

Instead of spending time judging myself, I want to set realistic goals (see above) that I can achieve and work step-by-step to develop my potential. Replacing judgment with goals and a hobby will create a foundation that I can use to grow from.

Improving My Life

What I’m experiencing right now is something that happens to everyone, at one time or another, I’m stuck in a rut. Right now I’ve hit a plateau.

While there is no quick fix to becoming better, there are simple things that can be done every day that will make a noticeable difference in our lives. One such thing is meditation.

Starting today, I’m going to find time to sit down, relax and listen to myself for a while. I downloaded an app called Pacifica (an app that helps with Stress & Anxiety) to assist me.

Changing My Life

Adversity is part of life. The trick is not to let the setbacks I’m facing hold me down. I learned that lesson after reading this article on AskMen.com. Additionally, along with that lesson, the AskMen.com Editors provided a list of actions that can help turn my life around.

Three of my favorite lessons are to accept that recovery is possible (which I’m doing by starting this blog), learn a new skill (see above to view the goals I set for myself), and meditate (which I started today).

Reading that list and recognizing that I’m already doing things that will help turn my life around has definitely boosted my self-esteem.

See Developing My Confidence Part II

—A version of this post was published on BlogWithDarnell and is republished with the author’s permission.

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